Millhouse catching up on the world news. Hmmm. Nothing about mice today then!
It's been a stressful time of year for Millhouse. He's just finished his Keystage 1 SATs tests at puss school. It's overtly apparent that he's not highly blessed in the acacatademic department but more adept at physical activities.
His Cat School Report reads as follows:
English Language: Grade 2c
Speech - Millhouse is a fairly reticent member of the group. Although he often says, "Hello," he subsequently only speaks when he feels there's the prospect of food being available. Indeed, he is a greedy boy and will eat from other cats' lunch boxes first if they don't fend him off. At such times he is a persistent attention seeker and often obstructs the teacher's activities until he gets what he wants. He relies heavily on facial expressions and gestures to communicate.
Reading - Generally shows little interest except with food pouches where he not only understands what flavour is contained (even if it is labelled in German, Polish or Danish!), but also recognises how much it cost and whether it was a BOGOF offer.
Recognises his name when called.
From the length of his tongue, we fear he may have a lisp and are awaiting the results of a speech assessment test.
Writing - Likes watching a pen wriggle across the paper but only grabs it clumsily and chews it when expected to write at story time.
Spelling - Can sound the letters 'M E O and W' in sequence. Frequently practises the 'Rrrrr' sound to himself.
Mathematics: Grade 1
Conservation - Knows which bowl has the most food in it. Can judge distance to top of bird-table.
Arithmetic - Still sometimes over-fills his tummy at meal times and thus carries out an involuntary take-away sum...but very accurately. Cannot count. (e.g. How many meals he has had.)
Science: Grade 2a
Millhouse enjoys nature study and is a keen student of wildlife, although sadly his enthusiasm can sometimes lead to a fatality. When this does occur, we know he feels the appropriate guilt because he usually eats any evidence. Hopefully he will soon grow out of this distressing phase.
Sport: Grade 2b
Regards almost any activity as a sport. This can be annoying to other members of the class as he frequently picks fights but generally only in a playful manner. Falls over a lot and bites anyone who may approach to help.
Motor Skills: Grade 2a
Can curl up on the steeply sloping bonnet of a Ford KA.
Accuracy- Improving. However, more practice required when going to the toilet as he frequently misses the hole he has dug ending up with a poo on a hillock instead of a neatly buried one.
General Appearance and Behaviour:
Millhouse is a fluffy individual and consequently often looks untidy. He does wash; particularly under his chin where the wet fur makes him look more unkempt, and he spends more time than most cleaning his long fluffy tail the loose fur fromwhich can sometimes make him wretch a bit. His baggy trousers are worn in the fashionable half falling off style with the crotch low-slung. He thus is often seen dragging half the plant life he has foraged through adhered to his bottom. He also needs to clean his white paws more often as their grubbiness lets him down.
Millhouse can be a disobedient young tom and shows signs of ADHD. Although he knows he shouldn't, he frequently defies the school rules and crosses the lane to hunt in the long grass. He is a constant attention seeker and is nearly always the perpetrator of playful arguments with other cats.
Millhouse is a likeable, shy, active member of the class whose abilities will improve when he learns to do what he is asked and realises that food isn't everything.
Professor Purr Fect (B.Ed)
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